i permit you to call me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
