Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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