Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
