its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
