you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize