Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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