I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
