I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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