Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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