I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize