I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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