i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize