I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
