I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
