when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
