Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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