I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
