he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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