I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
