just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
