Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
