dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
