Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
