I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
