when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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