Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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