Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
