i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
