only if we run a train.
done.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
