I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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