If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize