Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
