yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
is it fun? or sober?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
