i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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