I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
