please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
