she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
