Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize