I can text with my tongue
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
