I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
