Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
