you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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