i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
