How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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