i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
