thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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