Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
