you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
