he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
