Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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