I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
