TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
