We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
