I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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