Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
