It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
