Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
