i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize