Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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