Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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