if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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