I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
