She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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