Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
