We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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