I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
