Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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