don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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